I did most of this last night and added the word, “change” to it today. This was made in response to receiving new pan pastels, a set specifically made for portraits with 20 different colors. One of the gifts that I received when I was licensed as a minister on October 1st, was a $200 Michael’s gift card, so this was part of what I bought! I was a little torn, between this and a regular set, but got the portrait set because I always seem to get stuck whenever I have to render a portrait of any form, plus it was a better price. Blending with pan pastels is so much easier for me; Perhaps I’ll stick with that versus trying to use the acrylic paints to do a portrait which is hard, although I have done them before. I have never used pan pastels before so this was my first time using them.

Also, I just needed to relieve some stress. I’ve been unhappy about things in my life; namely not having a car. That combined with my schedule, my daughter’s schedule, and some current circumstances which have kept me mostly in isolation, aside of working. I was trying so hard to savor my own advice from my posting the other day, “Surprise Beginnings” where God reminded me not to despise small beginnings. Also, to remind myself that my current situation doesn’t have to linger, although in the natural I see no way out since I cannot afford car payments. The car was stolen, then I got it back, but it stopped working and is totalled. Plus there’s other ongoing issues, I’ve been asking God to deliver me from for years, decades even. You have to wonder about some things, like maybe its not His will. Maybe its not His timing. Maybe I’m doing something wrong. Maybe something has to “change!” If you go back and read my blog posts, God seems to be telling me that I’ve done everything I need to do; its just a matter of His timing. There are a lot of other variables aside of just me. God’s not just concerned with what’s best for me; but also what’s best for my family, even if its hard on me. It’s one thing to hope for the future and encourage yourself, but the current feelings such as grief and frustration have to go somewhere…hence the art. Voila!

I do worry that sometimes before I get what I want or think I need in my life I will be so down trodden I won’t be able to get back up or even enjoy it; like a soldier wounded in battle too weak to stand. I’ve felt this way many-a-times. Perhaps it goes along with being a survivor. I have a trick I do when I’m feeling that way. I just call out to God and say, “Help!” God! I need you! Come quickly!” He does. He always does! Then I get back up and go on, trying to serve Him the best I can. I know He uses me, and I give him the best I’ve got, even though I’ve been robbed in numerous ways in my life. God is still growing me, changing me, healing me, delivering me, and healing and delivering my family. Its a process. I’m called to serve those stuck in hard places with no easy answers. Those who have to go through the process, too. Those to whom God refuses to give quick fixes. I know the long, hard road, or the long, hard season, yet I sense the time is changing, the winds are changing, the season is changing, even the era is changing! The hardest part is to grab hold of the new while still processing the pain of the last season. The pain has to go somewhere. I have always been honest with God about my feelings, struggles, and my sense of injustices. That is one thing I love about God is that He doesn’t mind. He encourages it. It is better to go to Him with your pain then to distract yourself from it by a temporary comfort. He takes it. He exchanges it for His grace, comfort, and strength. There’s been times I didn’t even feel His comfort, but I knew He was there, and He would tell me, “My love is enough. My love is all you need.” I do think something amazing happens when you’ve finally surrendered the life you’ve planned for yourself, the way you expected things to happen, and the time table you expected it to happen in; when you accept whatever it is God has for you with a good and gracious heart that is still willing to worship Him no matter what. Still believe in Him no matter what. Still believe that He is a good God no matter what. We don’t understand His ways, and His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9).

In this artwork, I just let loose! I scribbled and I wrote out my feelings of frustration, all from different directions. I was careful not to include negative proclamations, but I did end it with a few positive decrees. The overall feeling I was dealing with was chaos, confusion, frustration, anger, sadness, and discouragement. I wasn’t afraid to let the art be chaotic, ugly, uncomfortable, etc. In fact, I needed it to be what I was feeling. I needed those feelings to have an adequate representation before I was satisfied. Much of my art is this way. A big jumble of relief and mess before I feel satisfied and then pull it back together. Sometimes it pulls back together in amazing ways and sometimes it doesn’t. Some are works in progress for years, literally. Then I lose the inspiration and get inspired by something new. But sometimes God will draw me back to finish something old from a new perspective. Sometimes the issue is perhaps I just needed to learn new skills to go back and apply. I’m always dabbling in new things and trying to learn new mediums. I’m a mixed media artist for sure!! I love the challenge of combining different mediums in new ways! Art, writing, and nature will always be my front line coping skills. Well, aside of time with God. Without Him, I can’t even imagine having made it this far…

So in this piece I used posca and gel pens to vent and scribble and draw a few doodles. I let myself get OCD with some of the doodles, for instance I put gold and pink rain drops all over the borders. I felt like the gold rain drops were God’s healing rains, and I’m not sure about the pink, but they seemed to be a drops of creativity.

The enemy keeps taunting me with the lie that I’m going to be left out of the outpouring, the massive healing and deliverance, and the transfer of wealth that’s going to take place. He’ll hold all my faults above my head and accuse me of various things. This has been his MO always. I’m telling you, you and I need to start fighting back! We can’t let these lies intimidate us and derail us anymore! Its the most ridiculous lie ever because God’s been speaking to me clearly about restoration since 2012 and about the outpouring since 2019. He’s interwoven my life with signs and wonders corresponding to all that. Why would God suddenly leave me out?

Everything God tells me is contrary to that. God tells me that its time for rewards. It’s time for compensation! It’s time for double portions! It’s time for wrongs to be made right! It’s time for change!!!

I have to remember that the devil is an accuser and a liar!! There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Any condemnation I feel is from the accuser and not from God. Conviction feels different and does not carry shame, discouragement, or despair.

So after the venting ending in positive decrees, I then experimented with my pan pastels. Although I had wished for more brighter colors, the colors I did have were very pleasant and soft looking. They blended very well into new colors. I experimented with using a stencil of some flower shapes with the pan pastel…very smooth. I then added metallic water colors. The pan pastels provided partial covering of all the words that I had written out in 3-4 different directions. It was quite busy, and I wanted more layers and also to partially hide some of the words so I added white gouache and then let it dry. I bought a new heat gun, too. I filled those areas in with new pan pastels and metallic watercolors. I also felt compelled to add just a few pieces of papers; tissue paper, fiber paper, decorative paper, which I also painted and added color to. I also added washi tape, about 3 or 4 different strands in different colors and directions, mostly pinks and blues. If you look closely, you still might see a racoon to the left border in the middle. I splattered some red, rust, and gold metallic watercolors. I added the lettering stamp to the right and some leaf stamps to the left. I colored them in with pan pastels and metallic watercolor paints then added more details with a gel pen. I wasn’t necessarily going for a fall look, but I noticed, especially after the leaf stamps, that it had a fall vibe. Also, God was giving me a title right about then which was, “Change is Here!” I thought how perfect, because it goes with the fall colors and fall leaves. I had the vision to add the word, “change ” to it, but decided to do it the next day which was today, and there you have it! God pulled it together.

What’s interesting, is that one of my friends said it looked like soft materials stitched up together. I thought that was so intriguing considering the mood at the beginning of the artwork was harsh and chaotic. Even my art process is a perfect illustration of the transformative power of God to change even the harshest of circumstances and make it soft and pretty. I really like this one! God is pretty amazing!

I just want to encourage all of you out there to give God your feelings and struggles honestly, and don’t let the enemy put any fear or condemnation on you. Believe God. We’re in a new season now. The “Change” is here. Its just a matter of transitioning. Really press into God during this time so He can encourage you.

This message and art ties into my last 2 postings about my Recompense Dream and my Surprise Beginnings art. I’m attaching it below because I think its relevant.

God sometimes speaks prophetically to me after the art is made. Someone told me it looks like a baby’s foot or perhaps an ultra sound of a baby’s foot. I believe this speaks to new things being birthed! Not only is change here, but we are giving birth to the NEW! Perhaps that is why there are increased labor pains. Prophetically, I have been in a season of birthing and travailing for years in my alone time with God. God tends to speak or act out in my life what is to come early on (I’m discovering). I think the birthing is actually for NOW!

Perhaps that is why God has me shut in…I’m just now putting this together. You know how the pregnant woman would go off in isolation to have her baby back in the biblical days? Perhaps that’s why God has me more away, to give birth to the NEW! Birthing is never pleasant, usually. There’s a bunch of pain that goes with it. The tendency is to want to just sit there and not push because it hurts so much, yet everything in you wants to push, so you have to pace yourself with little rests. Notice, this baby is in the breach position which just makes it extra hard, but not impossible. Coincidentally I’m a fraternal twin that was born breach.

I’m telling you, “Push!!!” I declare it! “Push!!!” We’re going to give birth to this new thing! We’re not going to let the enemy steal it! Don’t go by the pain of your current situation or surroundings to inform you of where you are spiritually or in your life. See things by your spirit not your flesh (Romans 8:5). Challenge the lies of the enemy. Hold onto God’s hand, and “Push!!!” Embrace for change!!! I declare that the new things of God will be born alive and well!

Here’s an encouraging and relevant scripture declaring God’s goodness and mercy in the face of adversity.

Psalm 118, New Living Translation

Psalm 118

¹ Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
    His faithful love endures forever.

² Let all Israel repeat:
    “His faithful love endures forever.”
³ Let Aaron’s descendants, the priests, repeat:
    “His faithful love endures forever.”
⁴ Let all who fear the Lord repeat:
    “His faithful love endures forever.”

⁵ In my distress I prayed to the Lord,
    and the Lord answered me and set me free.
⁶ The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear.
    What can mere people do to me?
⁷ Yes, the Lord is for me; he will help me.
    I will look in triumph at those who hate me.
⁸ It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in people.
⁹ It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in princes.

¹⁰ Though hostile nations surrounded me,
    I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord.
¹¹ Yes, they surrounded and attacked me,
    but I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord.
¹² They swarmed around me like bees;
    they blazed against me like a crackling fire.
    But I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord.
¹³ My enemies did their best to kill me,
    but the Lord rescued me.
¹⁴ The Lord is my strength and my song;
    he has given me victory.
¹⁵ Songs of joy and victory are sung in the camp of the godly.
    The strong right arm of the Lord has done glorious things!
¹⁶ The strong right arm of the Lord is raised in triumph.
    The strong right arm of the Lord has done glorious things!
¹⁷ I will not die; instead, I will live
    to tell what the Lord has done.
¹⁸ The Lord has punished me severely,
    but he did not let me die.

¹⁹ Open for me the gates where the righteous enter,
    and I will go in and thank the Lord.
²⁰ These gates lead to the presence of the Lord,
    and the godly enter there.
²¹ I thank you for answering my prayer
    and giving me victory!

²² The stone that the builders rejected
    has now become the cornerstone.
²³ This is the Lord’s doing,
    and it is wonderful to see.
²⁴ This is the day the Lord has made.
    We will rejoice and be glad in it.
²⁵ Please, Lord, please save us.
    Please, Lord, please give us success.
²⁶ Bless the one who comes in the name of the Lord.
    We bless you from the house of the Lord.
²⁷ The Lord is God, shining upon us.
    Take the sacrifice and bind it with cords on the altar.
²⁸ You are my God, and I will praise you!
    You are my God, and I will exalt you!²⁹ Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
    His faithful love endures forever.